48 points: jesseaknight's comment in In the show St. Elsewhere, a character in the finale is shown to have thought of the whole series, which means he also made up all the shows that had crossovers with St. Elsewhere. This expands into the shows that were mentioned in the shows. There is at this point 419 shows in this universe
44 points: Derosa6037's comment in the longest single set at the laugh factory lasted 7h and 34m (by Dane Cook in 2008).
43 points: astronoob's comment in Margaret Hamilton, NASA's lead software engineer for the Apollo Program, stands next to the code she wrote by hand that took Humanity to the moon in 1969.
42 points: rus_reddit's comment in Rand Paul was the national debt for halloween in 2015. He said it was a very scary costume.
40 points: thejesiah's comment in Close Encounters of the Third Kind Geocache in Northern Italy
38 points: electro_hippie's comment in Why is smiling being frowned upon in the Russian culture?
37 points: SlideNERD's comment in The head of a tapeworm under an electron microscope
37 points: wtfisthisnoise's comment in Is U.S. income tax invalid because Ohio wasn’t legally a state when the 16th amendment was ratified?
35 points: Otterfan's comment in President Obama Roasts Donald Trump At White House Correspondents’ Dinner (2011)
35 points: _Foy's comment in Ways the Great Lakes try to Murder Ships - illustrated
49 points: jesseaknight's comment in In the show St. Elsewhere, a character in the finale is shown to have thought of the whole series, which means he also made up all the shows that had crossovers with St. Elsewhere. This expands into the shows that were mentioned in the shows. There is at this point 419 shows in this universe
45 points: Derosa6037's comment in the longest single set at the laugh factory lasted 7h and 34m (by Dane Cook in 2008).
42 points: astronoob's comment in Margaret Hamilton, NASA's lead software engineer for the Apollo Program, stands next to the code she wrote by hand that took Humanity to the moon in 1969.
42 points: thejesiah's comment in Close Encounters of the Third Kind Geocache in Northern Italy
41 points: rus_reddit's comment in Rand Paul was the national debt for halloween in 2015. He said it was a very scary costume.
38 points: srone's comment in The New BMW X6 Has Light-Absorbing 'Vantablack' Paint
37 points: SlideNERD's comment in The head of a tapeworm under an electron microscope
37 points: wtfisthisnoise's comment in Is U.S. income tax invalid because Ohio wasn’t legally a state when the 16th amendment was ratified?
36 points: _Foy's comment in Ways the Great Lakes try to Murder Ships - illustrated
36 points: bigtcm's comment in My immigrant Chinese parents make tamales every year.
What A Day: GSA It Ain't So by Sarah Lazarus & Crooked Media (11/18/20)
"You're going to play gotcha questions with me?" - Sen. Cory Gardner (R-CO), asked if he thought Joe Biden won the election
Don't Wayne On My Parade
Eleven days after the election ended in decisive victory for Joe Biden, Republicans’ continued performance of uncertainty about the outcome is as appalling and dangerous as it is unrelentingly embarrassing.
On Tuesday, the two Republican members of the Wayne County Board of Canvassers briefly refused to certify the election results in Michigan’s largest county, for a very valid reason that definitely wasn’t “Detroit has a lot of Black voters and we don’t think their votes should count.” (Against all odds, a white man in a polo shirt summed up this stunt best.) The Republicans reversed course on Tuesday night, for a very badass reason that definitely wasn’t “reporters started finding all the racist memes on our Facebook pages.” As a cherry on top, Donald Trump missed the memo and congratulated his would-be coup enablers on their courage, after they had agreed to certify the results.
His hopes of stealing away Michigan’s electoral votes dashed, Trump has turned to Wisconsin, a state he lost by more than 20,000 votes. The Trump campaign has filed a petition for a recount, but only in Wisconsin’s two largest, most Democratic-leaning counties, for a very solid reason that assuredly wasn’t “we’ve been through this, that’s where all the young and Black voters are.” That partial recount cost the campaign $3 million, but if you can pay Rudy Giuliani $20,000 a day to rattle off conspiracy theories at an exasperated judge, what’s a few million dollars to lose Wisconsin again?
As profoundly dumb as all of this is, it is also incredibly corrosive. It’s no particular surprise that Trump fired DHS’s cybersecurity director Chris Krebs for the crime of debunking his lies about the election having been stolen from him, but it deserved immediate, unanimous condemnation. Instead, Democratic lawmakers have spoken up, while Republicans, with a few half-hearted exceptions, have sat on their hands. What will it mean for future elections that a defeated president fired an official who safeguarded this election’s integrity and then told the truth about it, and a whole political party said “sure”?
Republicans might be blowing up democracy in slow-motion, but at least most of them aren’t pretending to agonize over it.
Sources who have spoken to General Services Administrator Emily Murphy say she’s been struggling with her unilateral decision to delay the presidential transition, and feeling like she’s been put “in a very difficult position.” Boy have we got great news for Emily: This one’s actually super simple. There’s no real doubt about who won the election, so you can just go ahead and sign that piece of paper! Get a marketing job and move to Paris! You’re free!
In the meantime, Joe Biden has been pushing ahead with transition briefings from outside experts. Those briefings have limitations, as advisors outside of the government won’t have the most up-to-date information, and can’t share classified intelligence. The White House has refused to provide even basic coronavirus data to the transition team, and in spite of the lives hanging in the balance if sabotaging the transition creates problems with vaccine distribution, HHS Secretary Alex Azar said the department won’t communicate with the Biden team until the GSA signs off.
Each of Trump’s far-fetched coup maneuvers has flopped, but way too many Republicans have been happy to give them a whirl, and there’s no reason to think they wouldn’t try again in an election with closer margins. Whatever surreal elements of this year we eventually shove down the memory hole for our collective sanity, that fact can’t be one of them.
Look No Further Than The Crooked Media
On today's Keep It stream, Ira, Louis, and Aida discuss Candace Owens and Ben Shapiro's fervor over Harry Styles wearing a dress on the cover of Vogue: "The hilariousness of 'bring back manly men.' Where do you want them brought?" Watch and subscribe → youtube.com/crookedmedia
Under The Radar
Donald Trump just gave the worst possible job to a former speechwriter who was fired for having white nationalist ties. The White House dismissed Darren Beattie in 2018 after it came to light that he had spoken at a white-supremacist conference, back when that was something the Trump administration could still be shamed about. Beattie then took a bunch of taxpayer money from Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL), in a violation of House rules. Following that proud interlude, Trump has welcomed Beattie back into the administration fold with an appointment to the Commission for the Preservation of America’s Heritage Abroad, which was established for the specific purpose of preserving the memory of Holocaust victims. Sixty-three days until the Inauguration.
One of the biggest takeaways from this election has been “Latino voters are not a monolith,” and while much of that analysis has focused on Florida, it’s just as true everywhere else. In Texas, Trump became the first GOP presidential candidate in a century to win Zapata County, which is more than 94 percent Hispanic or Latino. Dissecting the result the requires understanding the specific character of South Texas, where most Spanish-speaking residents self-identify as Tejano. Most consider themselves American above all else, wouldn’t identify as people of color, and have positions on gas and oil, guns, and abortion that are closely aligned with the Republican Party. The Trump campaign recognized and effectively targeted that specific community, and Democrats will need more than generic messaging to win it back.
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Is That Hope I Feel?
A federal judge has blocked the Trump administration’s policy of using the pandemic as an excuse to turn away migrant children seeking asylum at the border. Pfizer now says that its vaccine actually seems to be 95 percent effective, and, implicitly, that Moderna can eat its shorts. Pfizer plans to apply for emergency use authorization from the FDA within days. The FDA has issued emergency use authorization for the first at-home rapid coronavirus test. Tiara Mack has become the first openly LGBTQ Black person elected to the Rhode Island state Senate, at age 26: “I'm going to be unapologetically Black, I'm going to be unapologetically queer, and I'm going to be unapologetically young, and I'm going to push back against the system that tells us we don't deserve justice now.”
Telling landlords to not accept black applications, to the extent of being sued by the DoJ which identified a superintendent put the letter 'C' on applications of people of color so the office would know to reject them. source 2
Central Park 5 - repeat accusing boys of being criminals 12-17 years after DNA led to exoneration, all as justification for the death penalty and police becoming more violent
Tried to buy out the Ground Zero Mosque "not because I think the location is a spectacular one [because it is not] but because it will end a very serious, inflammatory, and highly divisive situation that is destined, in my opinion, to only get worse."
Falsely claimed thousands of NYC Arabs were "cheering" over 9/11
Repeatedly accusing Obama of not being born in this country
Calling Obama Kenyan/Muslim not just at first in 2011, but again in 2016 after claiming he himself deserved credit for getting Obama's birth certificate released
Trump says Abraham Lincoln 'did good' for the Black community but that 'the end result' is "questionable"
Stated that Minneapolis has "suffered enough" for having Somalian refugees
Will not allow Hurricane Dorian refugees from the Bahamas because because they are full of “very bad gang members.”
Muslim ban (yes it was, it treated travelers differently based on religion)
Pardoning Joe Arpaio who was convicted of racial discrimination, who expressly broke the law to target hispanics, arrested people for being hispanic without an actual criminal charge, and kept them in brutal prison conditions
Charlottesville apologetics of the neo-nazis - first said the problem was the left then "both sides" etc
Tweeted calling for the death penalty for Sayfullo Saipov, the Muslim who killed 8 with a truck along a Manhattan bike path. Yet he never said it for Dylann Roof, who killed 9 in a Charleston church even when Nikki Haley linked the rhetoric to him.
Specifically removing TPS and blocking visas from nations Haiti, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Honduras
Tweeting that he ordered Pompeo to look into the "large scale killing of farmers" conspiracy of black people genociding white farmers in South Africa that never happened
Delayed Harriet Tubman $20 bill face from 2020 to 2028, even though the engraving plate had been complete since 2018 and Treasury Department said it was "far along in the process." In 2016, Trump said it should instead be put on the $2 bill which isn't printed
“I’ve got black accountants at Trump Castle and at Trump Plaza. Black guys counting my money,” Trump said, according to the 1991 biography. “I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are short guys that wear yarmulkes every day.” ... “I think that the guy is lazy. And it’s probably not his fault, because laziness is a trait in blacks. It really is, I believe that. It’s not anything they can control.”
“You’re not gonna support me even though you know I’m the best thing that could ever happen to Israel”...“And I know why you’re not going to support me. You’re not going to support me because I don’t want your money”...“You want to control your own politician.” and “Is there anyone in this room who doesn’t negotiate deals? Probably more than any room I’ve ever spoken.” source
Repeating conspiracies about George Soros being behind various movements and attacks
Tells Jewish voters at IAC they are "brutal killers" and "not nice people"
A Cliff Notes Summary of the First One Out Interviews
If you haven't had time to listen to seven hours of podcast interviews, or you didn't retain everything you heard, here are some key points. I didn't think to do this until just now, so I'll be posting it as a work in progress and updating it throughout the afternoon. That way more people will have a chance to read up before the premiere. Karishma Patel, 37, Personal Injury Trial Lawyer, Houston, TX -First generation Indian-American Her mom was as a legal assistant, and got her a filing job at her law firm when she was 14. "I didn't have other options. I was basically told I was going to be a lawyer and I didn't disagree."She has watched every season and regularly listens to RHAP. She sits close to the TV to study the inflections on people's faces when something is said to them, so that she can think about what that means. But, her parents and husband don't share her enthusiasm for the show. Asked if it's her dark pleasure she says, "It is completely bright. It is a beautiful pleasure of mine, but it is mine and mine only. I haven't been able to find people to share it with." -Doing the show has caused her conflict. "Not only is it not expected, it's not allowed. It's kind of like being a disobedient Indian girl. You're not supposed to be doing this. What you're supposed to be doing is having babies. But I don't care. I'm a risk taker. I'm here to prove to myself that I don't need to listen to anybody else. I don't need permission from anybody else. This is my journey and I'm going to take it. I hope that people watching out there can see that an Indian woman's value does not come from doing what she's told." -She doesn't currently have children, and she says she has some decisions to make as she enters a crossroads and the next stage of her life. -Her law firm told her they'll replace her if they're able to find someone, and she can have her job back if they don't. "I didn't flinch." -Her strategy is to be non-threatening and play a social game. She doesn't look 37, and she wants to use that youthfulness to be disarming. She wants to build relationships other people believe in. She defines success by other people vouching for her loyalty when they go off and have private conversations with one another. "That means I got 'em, because it's actually the other way around." Asked if she wants to find someone she can trust, "I'm not going to be capable of it. I'm too skeptical for that. I overthink things, so I'm not going to be able to trust somebody the way I want to be trusted... If I do, that's the end of my game." My take: Oh my God. Poor Karishma. Her story hurts my heart. She reminds me so much of myself in her isolation, her defiance and her deep feelings. I worry that her fear of trusting people could get in the way of her forming genuine bonds. But, there's nothing she can do. Society has made her the way she is. I hope she gets a lot of screen time so she can be a star of her favorite show. Missy Byrd, 24, Military Veteran/App Developer, Tacoma, Washington -Originally from Georgia. Her family was 'decently poor.' She played basketball for the Air Force Academy because she thought it was her ticket out. -She had a brain tumor. She stopped menstruating for a year and two quarters. "I'm not dating anyone but I have breast milk. I'm a literal cow... I would look down and my shirt would be wet, and I thought, 'Dang you're clumsy. I knew you were clumsy, but you're clumsier today than you were yesterday. But it was - it was - uhh - milk." She had crying fits. She developed a stutter and couldn't look at people. Doctors told her she was just stressed. When her dad died she couldn't process emotions normally. She was about to go to the French version of the Air Force Academy, École de l'air, after graduation but because of her mental instability she was removed from school. The military shipped her to the same Air Force base as Sandra (Fort Lewis.) "I don't want to be there. Super sad. Check into the post office - fuck this. Check into the dorms - hate that." The doctor there found the tumor. She got an MRI and all weekend she believed she might have cancer. Over the next year and a half she eliminated the tumor and the symptoms using vitamins. She enlisted and worked logistics. -She made a list of the things she wanted to do now that she was going to live. "The first thing was go see Beyonce. Beyonce costs way too much money for a normal person to go see, but if you've just almost had a near death experience you go see Beyonce, bro!" She was feet away. She drove across the country. She tried weed. -She had an idea for an app, but didn't even have the computer literacy to use social media. She found a veteran's association and asked if she could intern. "They said, 'No, you should build this out yourself. We want to work for you.' I said, 'No, the fuck you don't. Okay, lemme call my grandma.'" She wrote a grant proposal and won a $1,500 office space in the center of Seattle. "Just to do whatever I want. It was like a laboratory for a child. I had Play-Dough up there. I had a white board... Just mind blowing shit when I could have been dead." -She'd seen every episode of Survivor at least three times. She started watching because her Air Force Academy basketball team was getting decimated, and she related to Foa Foa getting decimated in Survivor: Samoa. She added the show to her list. Josh suggests, "The bugs are eating you because they want some of that magic." -She isn't going to tell people her story until she's in the Final 3. "That's that Final 3 magic." She doesn't want to overly rely on strategy. She doesn't want to win individual challenges. She to build a social game and find ways to relate to everyone. My take: She's so full of exuberance. There's not a negative bone in her body right now. She's too young and her life experience is too necessarily limited to talk around three years of her life. If she shares her story, the beauty of her perspective will cause everyone to fall in love with her and want her to do well. If she doesn't, people will sense that she's hiding a lot. I think she'll figure that out and course correct within the first day. Since she was at the same Air Force base as Sandra and she was a massive fan, does that suggest she knows her? Ronnie Bardah, 35, Professional Poker Player, Henderson, Nevada-Born and raised in Brockton, Massachusetts, 20 minutes south of Boston. They were the only Israeli family in town. 50% of the people in Brockton were from Cape Verde, and he considers himself an "honorary Cape Verdian." A couple of his friends were shot and killed at a young age. -He was a good kid and had a good heart, but he was always hustling. In Junior High he was flipping Oatmeal Cakes and Fudge Rounds for a profit. Slinging baseball cards. Both his parents gambled. They were always at the dog tracks or Mohegan Sun. He had his friend make him a fake ID and got stuck with the name Alaja Jones. He went by Al and started playing the casinos. Quit his job at Sears Automotive to play poker full time.-He played Atlantic City, Vegas, then internationally. He had his first big score in 2010 when he took 24th place in the main event for $320,000. Got to keep $150,000 after taxes. "Poker's a hard way to make an easy living. Lots of people try. We risk every day. You have to get to a point when you can manage your bankroll and I've never gone broke in the 16 years I've played." -In one of the most viewed poker hands of all time, he was bluffed out of a million dollar pot by a supermodel on a poker TV show filmed in Monaco. "She made a sick play. She had no idea what she was doing but all the stars were aligned."-He watched Borneo when it aired and got back into it when fellow poker player Anna Khait was on. He calls Jean-Robert, "kinda a lazy guy...He's really good at befriending multi-millionaires." "Anna Khait... is probably the least poker player out of all of us. She played for a couple years." "And then Garrett - He's a very, very smart, smart kid... Self-made millionaire. One of the very, very few." -He only drank water for 7.5 days and lost 25 pounds for his health and to get an idea of the conditions of the show. He thinks he'll thrive in the survival situation. "People like being around me. I like to fucking bust balls and joke." He thinks old school alliances are a good plan, but you have to adapt. He says that like in poker, Survivor players can have every advantage, but they have to really smell it. -He wants Vince out. "There's an Asian Zeke in there. What value does he bring besides ruining people and getting in people's heads? He's a liability in challenges. He looks like a little corn puff. We gotta get him outta here. Sorry to sound so mean but it's the truth." My take: Ruuuuude. He has no way of knowing how other people on the cast are talking in their interviews, and may assume the trash talk is standard. If he were playing on some seasons it would be. But, in this particular season it sets him apart in an unflattering way, and it seems a part of the tough persona he's built up to escape a scary situation growing up and enter a fantasy career. We'll see whether his tribe thinks he's a straight talking character or a jerk. Tom Laidlaw, Former NHL Player, Brampton, Ontario, Canada -He was with the New York Rangers for 7 years and the LA Kings for 4. Now he has his own podcast, True Grit Life (truegritlife.com). Does it with a friend, Kevin Allen, who writes for USA Today. Does motivational speaking. -Growing up on a dairy farm outside Toronto there was a pond to water the cows. It froze over in the winters and he'd play hockey because there wasn't much else to do. Went to Northern Michigan University - four year hockey captain, ranked #1 team in the country. Drafted as a 20 year old. "My buddy had a horse farm. We were cleaning horse shit out of the stalls. There were no cell phones back then. This is 1978. My father got a call at our farm house from the New York Rangers at the draft. Back then nobody went to the draft - it was just teams. They said I'd been drafted in the sixth round. He calls the farm house where I'm working. They bring me up. He says, 'Son, you've been drafted by the Rangers.' I said, 'Great. What do I do now?' He says, 'Finish cleaning the shit out of the stalls.'" -When he played intimidation and fighting was strategy. There were guys tougher than him, but he could fight and he could also play. Problem was, he fought a guy once, and from then on the guy wanted to fight him over and over. -Jerry Bruckheimer, big hockey fan, called the NHL and wanted to get some players on the Amazing Race. Tom had kept himself in shape, he had his passport. They ended up asking him about Survivor. He'd watched it before but not for a while. He wasn't so sure he wanted to play a game where you hurt other people, but friends helped him get his head around it. He was very impressed by Christian's toughness in the endurance challenge. To prepare for the show he studied how he reacted to different situations, how to control his heart heart, etc. He wants the mental challenge. My take: Tom really ticked me off when he spoiled a couple of outcomes of this season. That's a betrayal of the producers, his cast and the viewers. But, if that hadn't happened I would like him. He's an easy-going, charming guy. His life experiences are a bit different than anyone else who's been on the show, which is what you want. Vince Moua, 27, Admissions Counselor, Merced, CA -His family is Hmong. His parents lived in Vietnam in the destruction left by the war - dead bodies, guns, people who wanted to kill them. They went to refugee camps in Thailand. Then his dad became a Montana farm hand. He met Vince's mom in the US, but she came from the same place. -Vince is from small town Merced, California - the 209. Few people he knew went anywhere but the UC system and community college. He went to Stanford, one of only 7-10 Hmong. He realized the significance someone can bring to people from the same community. He tried to be pre-med but realized "no, not today." The issues of access he cared about came well before people got to the hospital. He ended up going with education. His mom was a teacher, "But when I was growing up she said, 'Yo, if you become a teacher Imma disown yo ass.' To all of us. But, that's always kinda been my jam." -He lived in South Korea for five years. He taught English in a town. Then in Seoul ahed worked with low and middle income students who wanted to study outside of Korea. -He's a Survivor superfan, who even mentions on his Tinder account that he plans to be on Survivor. His parents were worried about him doing TV because he's not out as gay to his extended family. He comes from a clan where his dad is the "top dog" and Vince is "the next top dog." In the Asian American/Pacific Islander community when you come out, it's your family who faces - in a sense - dishonor. For a long time he distanced himself from his family, hoping they'd all be less hurt if they found out and disowned him. He always tried to find friends who would be there for him should his parents not be. A year ago his mom asked him rhetorically if he was gay. "I was try'n to go around it. I was like, 'Gurl, you don't wanna know! Yo ass keeps asking!' But she kept asking, asking. So finally I told her 'Yeah, I am!' and she was crying. My dad was like, 'Oh, my son!'" But, Vince is fine with who he is and wants to show kids like him that "let's hope that it gets better." Now his parents just want him to win. -He'd like to play an old school strategy but "I'm not afraid to cut a bitch." With the tribe he's going to be Homeboy Vince from the 209, but when he talks to the camera he's going to tell people "Don't underestimate your narratives." This past year with Crazy Rich Asians, he wants people to know that there are some Crazy Hood Ass Asians. My take: What a character. Vince has a clear point of view - Hmong, blue collar, gay - which is unique to him in Survivor lore. Even though double minorities have sometimes had trouble fitting in socially on Survivor I think somehow he's going to pull it off. As unlikely as this sounds I could even see him being a Cochran-esque winner. Aaron Meredith, 36, Personal Trainer, Warwick, Rhode Island -He's very keyed up at Ponderosa. Rambling so fast it sounds like you're listening to 1.5x. He's read four books so far - Relentless by Tim Grover, Can't Hurt Me by Dave Goggins, Iron Cowboy by James Lawrence, Harry Potter. -He was an engineer at a building insulation plant. He was miserable, too antsy sitting at a desk. Couldn't focus. So, he drove up and down the East Coast popping kettle corn - from Maine to Florida - traveling with carnies. Bartended for a while. He'd played college football and baseball, lifted since high school, and he and his friends wanted to get "huge and jacked and ripped." The owner of the gym suggested he become a personal trainer. He ended up working mostly with middle aged women and it taught him empathy. Now he owns two women's-only fitness studios. He puts supportive women around one another and offers them the positivity to seek self-growth. -He's also a party boat emcee. Lights, DJ, bar, drinks. He's an extremely social person. -He'd first applied at 23 - 6 or 7 times over the years. He was in the mix for Cook Islands and David vs. Goliath. -He's been married 7 years and has a 5 year old son. His son is a huge fan of Survivor. Libby Vincek is his favorite player. Kara Kay was his next favorite. Aaron is already sure Molly will be his son's favorite. "He has a type. He He likes the attractive blondes. He says, 'I like them because they have a nice face.' I like mommy because she has a nice face too." The boy was very concerned about his dad going on the show. He said, "Dad, I don't want anyone to laugh at you and make fun of you." Aaron said he wanted to win. His son said, "But you might not win." When they watch the show he'll always ask, "Do they like him? Do they like her?" If Aaron is portrayed in a negative light he'll have to sit down with his son and talk. He doesn't want to play a deceitful game, but he will, because he doesn't care how he's portrayed. My take: His story about his son is one of my favorites from all these interviews. I hope he gets to work with Molly. His adrenaline is too high. I hope he calms down a lot when the game starts. But, someone so social and sweet hearted who can win challenges and take themselves to the end has got to be a contender to win. Chelsea Walker, 27, Digital Content Editor, Los Angeles, CA -Chelsea just took the cast photo and they put her in the third spot from the bottom, a good omen because a weird number of winners have been in that position. "Your girl's number three. I got this!" -She's a Jersey girl. She went to the University of Maryland. "I didn't do Survivor: Maryland or anything." She studied Broadcast Journalism. She knew the generic emails for NBC Universal and emailed random people until someone replied. Now she's been in LA a year. She did coverage of award shows. Now she works at IMDB, where she helps Kevin Smith with his show. She just interviewed people at SXSW. -She's been watching Survivor since she was 8. She's cried in every interview because this means so much to her. She's trying to explain that at the point she starts crying again. "It's been such a dream of mine and To be told no year after year after year - these past six years have been a total mindfuck. I've basically been called every single year. I've been to finals three times. Survivor is my one true love, but the one year they didn't call me I got really pissed off so I tried out for Big Brother. I ended up becoming the alternate and got my key being filmed and all of that crap. But I don't like that show anyway." -In September 2017 she was at a WeHo bar for her friend's birthday when, "Oh shit that's Jeff Probst." Her girlfriends all know she's obsessed, so she pulled the waiter over and asked what that guy was drinking. So, Chelsea sent another one over. "I told my friends, 'Take my credit card. Split the bill, because I can't come back after I do this. As soon as the waiter drops off the drink I'm like, 'Jeff, this one's on me. You can buy me the next one at finals.' And I just walked out of the restaurant... That was a big move!" They didn't call her again that year, but Jeff still remembered when they talked this year. -She's been working out at four different gyms - weights, pilates, yoga. Push ups. Memorized puzzles. Reading How to Win Friends and Influence People, which she keeps in.a Bible sleeve so people will think she's religious. She also carries Harry Potter because she would trust someone who read HP. She wants to keep it cool. Make one on one connections. Eventually find idols - and not tell anyone she has one - and make calculated moves. "I don't want to be a Jacob. No offense." My take: Hearing this girl cry from joy because she's so happy to be on the show makes me emotional. She's a real go getter. I wish I were that damn fearless. Truly, I wish I were more like her. I hope her pure zest for life comes across on TV and she doesn't get stuck with a purple edit just because of her age and gender. I also hope no one decides to get threatened by her as a competitive girl and vote her off premerge. I think she'll go far. Hope so. Dean Kowalski, 28, Account Executive, New York, New York -Referring to himself in the third person, "Dean is 28 years old. As we mentioned, he lives in New York and he prides himself on being a well rounded person when it comes to interests, abilities, personalities... If I'm listening to Drake and Lil Wayne, I gotta go home and cry to This Is Us.. I can play basketball but also think about our place in the universe." He likes to tag basketball courts with a peace symbol with a ball on it which he makes using a stencil. -He structures most of his interview with Josh around an Outwit, Outplay, Outlast format, explaining why he excels at each. -He grew up in an affluent suburb. His dream was to play in the NBA. He was 5"9 3/4, so he set his eyes on college basketball as a realistic alternative. In order to get looks from colleges he went to a school 30 minutes away - top five in the country, Nike would fly them around for games and give them free Jordan sneakers. He was one of only 4 white guys in the whole school and the only one on the team. He played with Kyrie Irving, the #1 overall draft pick. "My friend said you look like the Make a Wish Kid who just wants to be on the team for a day." He played at Colombia University, where he was co-captain his senior year despite averaging two minutes a game. He became a teacher, then did sales for a tech startup in New York. He now sells ads for Google. -He's a fan, but far from a superfan. He started watching Brenda's season. (He thinks it was Nicaragua, but it was actually Carmoan.) He works with a superfan who freaked out when they had a meeting at H&R Block with Carolyn Rivera and they went out to Bourbon Street with her. He kept watching for five years and thought he could do well. He hates when people are all talk, so he sent in a tape. For the video he interviewed random strangers on the street, who had never met him or seen the show, and asked them, "Why am I going to win it?" A barber, a construction worker. He's going to tell people he's in marketing, not sales - people have sales. My take: I'm just not that into him. Elaine Stott, 41, Factory Worker, Rockholds, NY -When Josh asks her not to touch the table she asks him, "You seen that Bart Simpson commercial, right? Don't touch my Butterfinger? I'm already hungry thinking about it." -"I had a pretty rough way to go growing up." Her single dad raised her and her three brothers. She was the youngest. "I was raised like one of the boys. Know what I mean? Daddy didn't know how to raise no little girl." He worked 16-17 hour days. The kids raised themselves. "When little children make their own decisions, they make poor ones." She was a hellion. -She's originally from Woodbine, Kentucky, Nick Wilson's hometown. Her god sister went to school with him and she knows him through the grapevine. "We rode on different sides of the track. 20 years ago he coulda been my lawyer, because I was on the other side of the law. I'm not bad. I've just done some things." Public intoxication several times. "I come from a dry county. It's like Footloose. We cross the state line to get a beer and when you come back you're in trouble." She stole a newspaper stand once and had to do community service. "I was a little bit mean." -She went to live with her grandpa and cleaned her act up, by which she means that she started smoking a little weed and playing sports - basketball, softball, track. She played softball and judo in college. "I couldn't do nothing real technical. We had Brazilians on the team who could do flying arm bars. But if I got these claws on you and got ya on the ground I'd waller you to death." In casting she put this guy Will in an armbar. She was gonna choke him but didn't know if she should. -When she graduated, her girlfriend was a college Freshman so she went to all the same parties and ballgames for four years. Then she realized she needed a job. Now she drives a Ford truck for a factory. She's been there 15 years. She works 12 hours, 7 days a week. -Growing up her mom "was always in my life in some sense. She'd never miss a birthday. She'd be homeless, but she'd still call." Elaine and her brothers bought her cars, and places to live, and got her jobs. "In a sense I've been mourning the loss of my mom my whole life." Once Elaine was homeless herself and there was snow on the ground. It was cold, and her teacher took her in. Gave her Christmas presents. Made her go to prom. Survivor was a thing they shared, and the teacher was gonna be Elaine's loved one. But within a one year period the woman lost her daughter, her husband, her dog and then had a stroke. Now "she walks like Frankenstein" and can't go. Elaine got Probst to talk to her, and she can't wait to watch. In October Elaine's biological mom went into a coma. She was on life support, but Elaine wouldn't unplug her. Her mom came out of it and seemed to be doing a lot better only to die very suddenly of a heart attack. -Her girlfriend and her girlfriend's two sons are gonna be watching. The 18 year old doesn't know because he can't keep a secret. The 13 year old helped her lose 20 pounds doing crossfit to come out here. She wants the money, but she really wants "some of that soul searching, that life adventure, that life changing - some of that. You know what I mean? Gimme some of that soup! Lemme eat some of that up! I want this show to build me up, because I feel like it can. I sure hope to hell it don't tear me down." My take: About 12 sobbing emojis in a row. She's my favorite. If she gets voted out premerge I'm going to go into mourning. And how can you not sort of expect that? I am going to be so upset if they just dismiss her because she's older and looks out of shape and sounds country. If that happens, I want another Second Chance season next year. Elizabeth Biesel, 26, Olympic swimmer, South Kingstown, Rhode Island -Josh says that Elizabeth was outright identified by one of the other contestants because they'd been watching YouTube videos about how to be a better swimmer. Others guessed she was an Olympian based on her rings tattoo. -She's from the Ocean State. They lived a block away from the beach, so they wanted her to take swimming lessons. She was a rambunctious child and swimming was the only way they could calm her energy. She started breaking records when she was 7 or 8. When she was 13 she made her first national team. At 15 she went to the Olympics. She got good early. Women peak around 22-23, and she ended her career at 24. You couldn't make much money doing it. She swam one of the longer, more grueling races, and her body said "no more." She listened to her body and retired. Some athletes lose their love for swimming because they're embittered by losing by 1/100th of a second, or they leave injured. She left on a good note. Still, if she could swim competitively for the rest of her life, she would. Now she doesn't know who she is or what she's going to do with the rest of her life. Every hour of the day used to have a purpose. Now her days are wide open. She can't keep eating 5,000 calories a day. "It's sort of like I'm mourning the death of Elizabeth Biesel the swimmer." -She was a Survivor fan as a kid because Richard Hatch was from Rhode Island. In her area "Every single household that had a television set was watching Survivor." When they asked her if she'd do the show, she felt pure joy. She said absolutely right away. She's excited about the competition of Survivor. No heated Olympic pools. You're stripped down to your core. She's amazed by the scope of the production apparatus. She's not a schemer. She wants to be a challenge beast - not the best woman but the best overall. She'd love to have a Wendell and Dom relationship with another woman. But, she wants to avoid the drama as long as she can. My take: Could Chelsea be Wendell to her Dom? She's so wholesome. She's just so "Olympics." I love her and everything she represents. I'd love to see her rocket through the swimming competitions, lapping everyone else. Go Elizabeth.
Connecticut International Auto Show, November 15 - 17:A perfect place to browse hundreds of the newest vehicles! It’s a premier showcase of the newest model year imported and domestic vehicles; cars, vans, crossovers, hybrids, light trucks and sport utilities; cars to suit every budget and lifestyle. Factory and dealer representatives are on hand to answer your questions in a no pressure environment, and with your favorite car lines all under one roof, it’s easy to compare prices and features, saving both time and money. So come sit in the cars, pop the hoods, inspect the trunks, and kick the tires. The Connecticut Auto Show is great entertainment for serious shoppers, car buffs and the entire family! Begins at 10:00AM, $6-$14 Earth Expo & Convention Center at Mohegan Sun, 1 Mohegan Sun Blvd. Uncasville, CT
Star Party, November 15:Talk topic is an astro-imaging update. In this talk we discuss the fun and challenges of taking high-quality images of planets, star clusters and galaxies. Images taken by members of the club will be featured at this popular event. After the talk there will be stargazing if the weather permits. Children under 16 must be accompanied by an adult. Dress warmly, as even in the summer it may be chilly. 7:00PM - 8:00PM, FREE (Donations appreciated) White Memorial Conservation Center, 80 Whitehall Rd. Litchfield, CT
Buddy Guy 2019, November 15:At age 82, Buddy Guy is a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee, a major influence on rock titans like Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and Stevie Ray Vaughan, a pioneer of Chicago’s fabled West Side sound, and a living link to the city’s halcyon days of electric blues. He has received seven Grammy Awards, a 2015 Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award, 34 Blues Music Awards (the most any artist has received), the Billboard Magazine Century Award for distinguished artistic achievement, a Kennedy Center Honor, and the Presidential National Medal of Arts. Rolling Stone magazine ranked him #23 in its “100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time.” The title of Buddy Guy's latest album says it all: The Blues Is Alive and Well. The legendary blues artist's eighteenth solo LP and follow-up to 2015's Born to Play Guitar showcases his raw and unadulterated sound, its fifteen tracks a true pleasure for aficionados and genre newcomers alike. The record is arriving on the heels of a spate of high visibility for the 82-year-old performer: at the 2016 Grammys, he picked up a trophy for “Best Blues Album” honoring Born to Play Guitar, and that same year he hit the road for a U.S. tour opening for Jeff Beck. A truly restless and energetic performer, The Blues Is Alive and Well is the latest triumph in an already-legendary career. Among the contributors to fifteen tracks on The Blues Is Alive and Well: young gun James Bay, as well as Jeff Beck, Keith Richards and Mick Jagger. 8:00PM, $49-79 Garde Arts Center, 325 State St. New London, CT
There's Still Thyme… Herbal Lore, Herbalism Basics, & DIY Herbal Tea Blends, November 15:Colonial women did not have the benefit of the local pharmacy for health and healing. They did have knowledge of herbs. This program is a novice's guide to the power of plants for health and healing, herbal lore and herbalism basics. Make your own organic Women's Tonic and herbal teas. Join Ehris Urban, herbalist, public speaker and author and her mother, Velya Jancz-Urban, author, teacher and creator of the Grounded Goodwife in the "kitchen" of the Glebe House Museum (c.1750), immersed in colonial artifacts and history. Light refreshments will be served. Reservations Required. 6:30PM, $25 Glebe House, 49 Hollow Rd., Woodbury, CT
Science of Beer, November 15:Join us! for a night of craft beer samples, drinks, food, music, and good company to help raise money towards EverWonders Children's Museums $100,000 match! A night of great food and great beer! 7:00PM, $70-$100 Rock Ridge Country Club, 214 Sugar St. Newtown, CT
Saturday, November 16th 2019:
Kidz Bop Kids: World Tour 2019, November 16:KIDZ BOP records kid-friendly versions of today’s biggest pop music hits sung by kids, for kids. Over the past 18 years, KIDZ BOP has created the #1 music brand for kids, selling more than 20,000,000 albums. 6:00PM, $35-$55 Toyota Oakdale Theater, 95 South Turnpike Rd. Wallingford, CT
A Magical Cirque Christmas, November 16:The producers of Broadway’s smash hit The Illusionists have brought together the world’s greatest entertainers for a spell-binding and incredible new holiday production, A Magical Cirque Christmas. Experience the magic of Christmas with dazzling performers and breathtaking cirque artists from all corners of the world, accompanied by your favorite holiday music performed live. Get into the spirit of the season with this merry treat that’s perfect for the entire family. 8:00PM, $30-$40 Grand Theater at Foxwood Resort Casino, 350 Trolley Line Blvd. Mashantucket, CT
Russian Ballet Theatre presents Swan Lake Saturday, November 16:Those faithful to the tradition of Swan Lake, must see Russian Ballet Theatre’s new production of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s timeless classic. Choreographer Nadezhda Kalinina (Mariinsky Theatre, Teatro Lirico, Omsk State Music Theatre) lovingly retouches the oldest St. Petersburg version of the ballet and adds her vision and something more that undoubtedly will leave audiences flushed with emotion. RBT's dancers bring her choreography to life along with the exquisite hand painted sets and 150 hand sewn costumes, designed by the young, accomplished Sergei Novikov (Mariinsky Theatre, Omsk State Music Theatre, St. Petersburg State Music Hall)in the century-old tradition of the great theatrical masters. Special Effects makeup by Award-winning Irina Strukova (Crazy Rich Asians, Netflix, HBO) completes the already perfect glittering fantasy that is Swan Lake! Russian Ballet Theatre has partnered with PLUS1, an initiative that connects artists with causes, so that $1 from every ticket sold will support local public school teachers and their classroom projects in New London and surrounding areas throughDonorsChoose.org. 8:00PM, $35-$69 Garde Arts Center, 325 State Street. New London, CT
FRANKIE VALLI & THE FOUR SEASONS, Saturday November 16:There’s something about Frankie Valli’s music that makes young people of every generation want to get up and dance. Amid the Disco era, the Seasons hit it big with “Who Loves You,” which reached #3 in 1975 and "December 1963 (Oh, What a Night)," a #1 record in 1976. On the other side of the Atlantic, "You’re Ready Now" and "The Night," which didn’t do anything in the U.S., emerged from dance clubs in the north of England to become huge hits in Europe. Two decades later, in 1994, a dance club remix of "December 1963" climbed to #14 in the U.S. on Billboard Hot 100. In 2000, a French-language Rap version of "December 1963" went to #1 in Paris. And a few years ago – a remix of the Four Seasons’ 1967 hit "Beggin'" became the #1 Dance record in Britain. Valli and the Four Seasons have influenced many other great recording artists. For example, from Barry Gibb: "Frankie Valli to me has become one of the hallmark voices of our generation. From the deepest emotions of his real voice to the power of his falsetto, he created a style that we all still strive to emulate." From Billy Joel: "I wrote 'Uptown Girl' as the flip side to the story of 'Rag Doll.' I always loved that record." And from Brian Wilson: "In the early 60s the Four Seasons were my favorite group. I thought they were fantastic. The voice blend was fantastic. The competition helped me to get cracking. It inspired me, because they made good music. I went to the piano thinking I could top their music." 8:00PM, $35-$222 Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville CT
GF's [22F] mom's crazy behavior is straining our relationship and I'm [28M] becoming increasingly concerned after she took a knife to her own throat (cross-post from R/relationships)
I never thought I would fall victim to the whole "girlfriend's crazy mom" thing but I think my experiences might be some of the worst. My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about seven months, I'm from the Midwest and she's from the East Coast. Our relationship is nearly perfect apart from the discord caused by her mother, who is becoming increasingly unstable and threatening not just our relationship but the mental well-being of her daughter. As a very brief backstory: we met on tinder in March, hit it off, facetimed every day for a month and half and by the time I visited her for the first time in May, we were officially together (things just clicked...she is amazing otherwise I would never put up with her deranged mother). She goes to school in the city but commutes and lives in the suburbs with her mom and dad; and in May I stayed with her family for over a week. Most of the disturbing anecdotes happened with my second visit there and onward, but even within five minutes of meeting her mom for the first time, I got a "this woman is gonna be a piece of work" vibe. From that first visit she would call her daughter at least ten times a day; and if she doesn't answer? She'll literally keep calling a dozen times in a row on repeat. I would later find out she most likely has bipolar disorder as well as potentially more mental illness (at her most recent visit just weeks ago her personal doctor she's known for years called her "crazy"- verbatim - and said she needed professional help; she dismissed it as his overreacting). Her brother is also a hospitalized schizophrenic with a long, sad mental health history. It runs in her family. It's also important to note by my GF's own admission "her parents know I'm the best guy she's ever brought home" and I say it not with hubris but candor that I'm great with parents and always exceptionally cordial, so it's not like I did anything to outright irk the mom. I'm a few years older than my GF, but her mom and dad not only have the identical age gap but married young at 21 and it's not an issue. Anyway, my second visit to my GF's house is when it really became apparent her mom was truly...crazy; and each day seemed to progressively get worse. My GF and I had to rush home from the city to meet her mom and dad for a movie- which her mom promptly made us leave 30 min in because it was too violent (ironic given her behavior). We go up to a cabin in the Poconos for most of the week to spend time with my GF's dad's family including her elderly grandma (it should be noted my GF's dad is a meek man and a total push over for the mom); but her mom just complains the entire time and is visibly annoyed having to be with these people. She ends up spending each night off at a casino feeding her gambling addiction (more on that later) and ends up leaving the Poconos early to spend the rest of the week gambling in Atlantic City; but not before complaining the whole time about things as trivial as being inexplicably jealous over my GF's grandma's sleeping arrangements or offer her continuously critique of my GF's diet (my GF is a fit girl and was on vacation so dieting wasn't priority; not to mention how hypocritical it was as her mother is extremely obese). My GF and I get back from the Poconos on Friday and her parents return next morning from Atlantic City. That Sunday we planned (weeks in advance I might add) on going to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Festival and Hershey PA...well, her mom informs us last minute she's having her grandma's (mom's mom, different from the Poconos grandma) birthday party that day (party is an overstatement- it's the mom, the dad, my GF, and her grandma. That's it). My GF was surprised as her grandma's birthday isn't for days, but her mom decided to make it early and also mandatory for me and my GF; when my GF informed her we had plans her mom said it's ok- we don't have to be back til 2 or 3..now the festival is a big outdoor event and would take a few hours to drive to let alone explore, not to mention check out Hershey PA after; so our plans were effectively quashed- and my GF and I planned this all a while in advance. We hurriedly moved everything up a day and rushed to do it that Saturday to clear Sunday for the birthday, but it didn't matter because the mom had a TOTAL MELTDOWN anyway. By late morning Sunday I am hearing screaming coming from downstairs- her mom is flipping out about planning for the party. I stayed hidden upstairs in my gf's bed (they live in a small house and it's a weird set up- it's like the whole upstairs is her mini apartment and the parents live downstairs) while I heard the mom wailinggg for hours before she finally stormed out in exasperation. They were either fighting over inane things like her mom micromanaging her or her mom making sweeping and false generalizations about my GF insinuating malfeasance or disobedience. Her dad came up to me after and apologized like a dog with its tail in between its legs. As a brief aside, it's important to establish my GF is a living Saint and the example of a perfect daughter. She dotes on her parents continuously (cooks practically every meal for them, does everything for them- if you can think of it she does it) and works so much she has two jobs. Any accusations by her mom of anything less than diligence and hard work are utter lunacy. Two days after the birthday "party", I'm waiting for my GF to come home from her morning shift but I knew something was awry when she texted how her mom came into work; long story short her mom ends up losing her mind again, this time over risqué photos of my GF she found on my GF's computer. Her mom will sometimes ask to use my GF's computer as it's the only one in their family, and her mom claims there was a "link" to the photos that she easily clicked on (I find this highly suspect as my GF showed me where she hid the photos and I remember being surprised how well hidden they were). As I'm sure it's no surprise, her mom has another meltdown. Now if I were a parent, my reaction personally would have been to close the computer, red faced and mentally scarred, and then maybe write a TIFU "I accidentally saw naked pictures of my daughter" etc; or if you felt compelled to say something, do it with tact...but no, her her mom makes it a point to embarrass my GF into a drawn out prolonged ordeal, calling her reprehensible names and telling us to leave, even telling her grandma. We're halfway to my friend's apartment in the city when her mom orders her back threatening to throw her out if she doesn't. So we go back and my GF leaves me in the car while she goes in. FIFTY minutes she talks to them while I waited anxiously in the car (later she told me how heated it got; when her mom asked why she took the photos she said sobbing in front of her mom and dad that she's "in a long distance relationship and would rather masturbate to her having sex with her BF" by watching videos of us). Then my GF comes out, ushering me back in. And this is what's weird- in about two minutes her mom moved on from the dirty photos subject that she was formerly foaming at the mouth over. I never even had a chance to excuse or explain myself. Instead her mom tries to say she didn't realize how serious we were as a couple and it was a surprise...and then she starts asking me really weird, personal information about my student loans (I have a BA and a JD). I start to wonder what's going on and why she's asking questions like that and the minute I said I wasn't comfortable discussing something with my GF's parents that I haven't even discussed with my own GF yet, it was like something snapped instantly. She seemed incensed and got super offended and seemed almost enraged I said the word "uncomfortable". Her own husband agreed with me and actually said anyone would feel that way in that situation to which she just goes "no, no, no, no" shaking her head, getting up from her chair and walking into the kitchen yelling nonsensical stuff berating my GF once again and forcing me to leave. I stay the night in the city with my friend planning on returning the next night...but her mom was still pissy and wanted to be alone. My friend had to leave that night, so I was forced to buy a hotel to sleep at alone while my GF endured another nightly barrage of verbal torment from her mom. Apparently, I was able to come home the next day because my GF struck a "bargain" that she would do whatever her mom needed so I could stay (since she already did everything but wipe them, idk how this was a deal). So she gets me from the hotel after her shift and we plan on going to this historic tower with stunning views, it's open til 4 each day and it's our last day to be able to go because the next couple days we were going to Atlantic City before I left (her mom's gambling addiction gives her free rooms). When her mom finds out, she goes ballistic. Apparently my GF told her mom that she would vacuum the living room and Lysol the counters, and her mom was flipping out because it couldn't wait. My GF told her she would do it after 4 pm when the tower closed, just to wait literally an hour so we could make the tower before close, but her mom was immune to reason, wailing that it was a "promise" etc; so because of her mom's inability to compromise or recognize a contingency we missed seeing the tower so she could vacuum a floor. I had her drop me off at the local library to avoid any contact with the mom for that night (24 hours and we would be in Atlantic city). The mom went to Atlantic City to ostensibly check us in to the hotel but in reality was a thinly veiled excuse to tag along to fuel her gambling addiction. Unlike her bipolar disorder her addiction is well documented with counseling and everything - she's actually banned from her local casinos hence her eagerness to cross state lines to Atlantic City, NJ. She tried crashing our dinner plans- two nights in a row - but quick thinking saying we had already made reservations shook her off...but the entire weekend in Atlantic city she was there gambling in the underbelly of the casino, and of course calling/texting her daughter an insane amount of times. After I came home, things were not great between my GF and her mom but they came to a head when her mom came into her work and said "your dealer came to our house" and how she wanted my GF out...my GF came to find out her mom read her diary and happened upon an old entry where she talked about finding a new guy to buy weed from (she would never in a million years have someone come to her house). As if the invasive diary reading wasn't enough, she further tormented my GF screaming that whole night culminating in the mom holding a knife to her own (the mom's) throat threatening to kill herself. My GF said that was the worst it's ever been because in the past she "would just grab knives, never hold them to her throat". I was aghast - this behavior wasn't the first time?! Her mom said more cruel stuff since, including chastising her dad for his infertility (my GF broke down crying mentioning this and that how her mom has never went that far...they used a donor years ago to conceive her). She also shows wild inconsistency: for example while I was there she complained about not getting to see me and my GF and that my GF and I were doing too much stuff on our own; then in the next breath of the same conversation complained she had no space with me there (she's clearly conjuring that in her head as I stay out of sight out of mind hidden in GF's room or out with her whenever possible)...this echoes a larger flip/flop sentiment she's had with my GF, complaining that my GF spends too much time with her friends and not enough at home then saying the opposite that my GF needs to get her own place. Right now her mom is flipping out because I bought her a ticket to come for Halloween weekend (Thursday-Monday) but she "already visited once this month" during the first weekend of October (although I feel the real reason is that her mom just wants to object and is looking for any excuse). She got so angry she started breaking things all over and even got in a physical brawl with my GF's dad. She even took the day off she's so worked up about it. My GF and I are in a long distance relationship already and she's going to study abroad next semester so until I visit I her abroad in 4 or 5 months I'm only going to maybe see her Christmas break and a few days around thanksgiving, so it's not like Halloween weekend is the end of the world. My GF is very responsible when she sees me- it's just a long weekend after all, she makes up missed classes and gets shifts covered. She's quite literally hurting no one seeing me, not to mention at no cost as I payed for the ticket...but because my GF "promised" she would only see me that one weekend this month (an empty promise to supplicate when her mom was being crazy about visiting), she is refusing to listen to reason and see how a long weekend isn't a big deal. My GF spends every Halloween weekend away anyway- there's no difference between spending it with me and spending it with other friends. A final note- I can't stress what a kind, loving person my GF is. I've never seen someone more gifted with children or with a bigger heart. She shows nothing of her mom's repugnant traits. Her mom also had breast cancer about 8 years ago, so there is certainly a vestigial fear of losing her from that. The question is twofold: - in the short term, is there anyway to convince her mom how absurd she is being regarding Halloween weekend? I have already not only bought the plane ticket but made plans including arranging her meeting my grandma (who was hospitalized twice in the last couple weeks, she doesn't have long I want her to meet my GF). - And secondly, what can I or more likely my GF do to convince her mother that her behavior is irrational, dangerous, and that she needs to seek help? She said because her mom works at a hospital her mom would never wanna admit she needs help- although she said her mom could be convinced for group/family therapy. TL;DR: My GF's mom is mentally unstable, tormenting our relationship and my GF, and culminating in physical violence; episodes like reading my GF's diary or finding risqué photos just set her off more and more until she does things like take a knife to her own throat; what solutions exist in the short and long term?
GF's [22F] mom's crazy behavior is straining our relationship and I'm [28M] becoming increasingly concerned after she took a knife to her own throat
I never thought I would fall victim to the whole "girlfriend's crazy mom" thing but I think my experiences might be some of the worst. My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for about seven months, I'm from the Midwest and she's from the East Coast. Our relationship is nearly perfect apart from the discord caused by her mother, who is becoming increasingly unstable and threatening not just our relationship but the mental well-being of her daughter. As a very brief backstory: we met on tinder in March, hit it off, facetimed every day for a month and half and by the time I visited her for the first time in May, we were officially together (things just clicked...she is amazing otherwise I would never put up with her deranged mother). She goes to school in the city but commutes and lives in the suburbs with her mom and dad; and in May I stayed with her family for over a week. Most of the disturbing anecdotes happened with my second visit there and onward, but even within five minutes of meeting her mom for the first time, I got a "this woman is gonna be a piece of work" vibe. From that first visit she would call her daughter at least ten times a day; and if she doesn't answer? She'll literally keep calling a dozen times in a row on repeat. I would later find out she most likely has bipolar disorder as well as potentially more mental illness (at her most recent visit just weeks ago her personal doctor she's known for years called her "crazy"- verbatim - and said she needed professional help; she dismissed it as his overreacting). Her brother is also a hospitalized schizophrenic with a long, sad mental health history. It runs in her family. It's also important to note by my GF's own admission "her parents know I'm the best guy she's ever brought home" and I say it not with hubris but candor that I'm great with parents and always exceptionally cordial, so it's not like I did anything to outright irk the mom. I'm a few years older than my GF, but her mom and dad not only have the identical age gap but married young at 21 and it's not an issue. Anyway, my second visit to my GF's house is when it really became apparent her mom was truly...crazy; and each day seemed to progressively get worse. My GF and I had to rush home from the city to meet her mom and dad for a movie- which her mom promptly made us leave 30 min in because it was too violent (ironic given her behavior). We go up to a cabin in the Poconos for most of the week to spend time with my GF's dad's family including her elderly grandma (it should be noted my GF's dad is a meek man and a total push over for the mom); but her mom just complains the entire time and is visibly annoyed having to be with these people. She ends up spending each night off at a casino feeding her gambling addiction (more on that later) and ends up leaving the Poconos early to spend the rest of the week gambling in Atlantic City; but not before complaining the whole time about things as trivial as being inexplicably jealous over my GF's grandma's sleeping arrangements or offer her continuously critique of my GF's diet (my GF is a fit girl and was on vacation so dieting wasn't priority; not to mention how hypocritical it was as her mother is extremely obese). My GF and I get back from the Poconos on Friday and her parents return next morning from Atlantic City. That Sunday we planned (weeks in advance I might add) on going to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Festival and Hershey PA...well, her mom informs us last minute she's having her grandma's (mom's mom, different from the Poconos grandma) birthday party that day (party is an overstatement- it's the mom, the dad, my GF, and her grandma. That's it). My GF was surprised as her grandma's birthday isn't for days, but her mom decided to make it early and also mandatory for me and my GF; when my GF informed her we had plans her mom said it's ok- we don't have to be back til 2 or 3..now the festival is a big outdoor event and would take a few hours to drive to let alone explore, not to mention check out Hershey PA after; so our plans were effectively quashed- and my GF and I planned this all a while in advance. We hurriedly moved everything up a day and rushed to do it that Saturday to clear Sunday for the birthday, but it didn't matter because the mom had a TOTAL MELTDOWN anyway. By late morning Sunday I am hearing screaming coming from downstairs- her mom is flipping out about planning for the party. I stayed hidden upstairs in my gf's bed (they live in a small house and it's a weird set up- it's like the whole upstairs is her mini apartment and the parents live downstairs) while I heard the mom wailinggg for hours before she finally stormed out in exasperation. They were either fighting over inane things like her mom micromanaging her or her mom making sweeping and false generalizations about my GF insinuating malfeasance or disobedience. Her dad came up to me after and apologized like a dog with its tail in between its legs. As a brief aside, it's important to establish my GF is a living Saint and the example of a perfect daughter. She dotes on her parents continuously (cooks practically every meal for them, does everything for them- if you can think of it she does it) and works so much she has two jobs. Any accusations by her mom of anything less than diligence and hard work are utter lunacy. Two days after the birthday "party", I'm waiting for my GF to come home from her morning shift but I knew something was awry when she texted how her mom came into work; long story short her mom ends up losing her mind again, this time over risqué photos of my GF she found on my GF's computer. Her mom will sometimes ask to use my GF's computer as it's the only one in their family, and her mom claims there was a "link" to the photos that she easily clicked on (I find this highly suspect as my GF showed me where she hid the photos and I remember being surprised how well hidden they were). As I'm sure it's no surprise, her mom has another meltdown. Now if I were a parent, my reaction personally would have been to close the computer, red faced and mentally scarred, and then maybe write a TIFU "I accidentally saw naked pictures of my daughter" etc; or if you felt compelled to say something, do it with tact...but no, her her mom makes it a point to embarrass my GF into a drawn out prolonged ordeal, calling her reprehensible names and telling us to leave, even telling her grandma. We're halfway to my friend's apartment in the city when her mom orders her back threatening to throw her out if she doesn't. So we go back and my GF leaves me in the car while she goes in. FIFTY minutes she talks to them while I waited anxiously in the car (later she told me how heated it got; when her mom asked why she took the photos she said sobbing in front of her mom and dad that she's "in a long distance relationship and would rather masturbate to her having sex with her BF" by watching videos of us). Then my GF comes out, ushering me back in. And this is what's weird- in about two minutes her mom moved on from the dirty photos subject that she was formerly foaming at the mouth over. I never even had a chance to excuse or explain myself. Instead her mom tries to say she didn't realize how serious we were as a couple and it was a surprise...and then she starts asking me really weird, personal information about my student loans (I have a BA and a JD). I start to wonder what's going on and why she's asking questions like that and the minute I said I wasn't comfortable discussing something with my GF's parents that I haven't even discussed with my own GF yet, it was like something snapped instantly. She seemed incensed and got super offended and seemed almost enraged I said the word "uncomfortable". Her own husband agreed with me and actually said anyone would feel that way in that situation to which she just goes "no, no, no, no" shaking her head, getting up from her chair and walking into the kitchen yelling nonsensical stuff berating my GF once again and forcing me to leave. I stay the night in the city with my friend planning on returning the next night...but her mom was still pissy and wanted to be alone. My friend had to leave that night, so I was forced to buy a hotel to sleep at alone while my GF endured another nightly barrage of verbal torment from her mom. Apparently, I was able to come home the next day because my GF struck a "bargain" that she would do whatever her mom needed so I could stay (since she already did everything but wipe them, idk how this was a deal). So she gets me from the hotel after her shift and we plan on going to this historic tower with stunning views, it's open til 4 each day and it's our last day to be able to go because the next couple days we were going to Atlantic City before I left (her mom's gambling addiction gives her free rooms). When her mom finds out, she goes ballistic. Apparently my GF told her mom that she would vacuum the living room and Lysol the counters, and her mom was flipping out because it couldn't wait. My GF told her she would do it after 4 pm when the tower closed, just to wait literally an hour so we could make the tower before close, but her mom was immune to reason, wailing that it was a "promise" etc; so because of her mom's inability to compromise or recognize a contingency we missed seeing the tower so she could vacuum a floor. I had her drop me off at the local library to avoid any contact with the mom for that night (24 hours and we would be in Atlantic city). The mom went to Atlantic City to ostensibly check us in to the hotel but in reality was a thinly veiled excuse to tag along to fuel her gambling addiction. Unlike her bipolar disorder her addiction is well documented with counseling and everything - she's actually banned from her local casinos hence her eagerness to cross state lines to Atlantic City, NJ. She tried crashing our dinner plans- two nights in a row - but quick thinking saying we had already made reservations shook her off...but the entire weekend in Atlantic city she was there gambling in the underbelly of the casino, and of course calling/texting her daughter an insane amount of times. After I came home, things were not great between my GF and her mom but they came to a head when her mom came into her work and said "your dealer came to our house" and how she wanted my GF out...my GF came to find out her mom read her diary and happened upon an old entry where she talked about finding a new guy to buy weed from (she would never in a million years have someone come to her house). As if the invasive diary reading wasn't enough, she further tormented my GF screaming that whole night culminating in the mom holding a knife to her own (the mom's) throat threatening to kill herself. My GF said that was the worst it's ever been because in the past she "would just grab knives, never hold them to her throat". I was aghast - this behavior wasn't the first time?! Her mom said more cruel stuff since, including chastising her dad for his infertility (my GF broke down crying mentioning this and that how her mom has never went that far...they used a donor years ago to conceive her). She also shows wild inconsistency: for example while I was there she complained about not getting to see me and my GF and that my GF and I were doing too much stuff on our own; then in the next breath of the same conversation complained she had no space with me there (she's clearly conjuring that in her head as I stay out of sight out of mind hidden in GF's room or out with her whenever possible)...this echoes a larger flip/flop sentiment she's had with my GF, complaining that my GF spends too much time with her friends and not enough at home then saying the opposite that my GF needs to get her own place. Right now her mom is flipping out because I bought her a ticket to come for Halloween weekend (Thursday-Monday) but she "already visited once this month" during the first weekend of October (although I feel the real reason is that her mom just wants to object and is looking for any excuse). She got so angry she started breaking things all over and even got in a physical brawl with my GF's dad. She even took the day off she's so worked up about it. My GF and I are in a long distance relationship already and she's going to study abroad next semester so until I visit I her abroad in 4 or 5 months I'm only going to maybe see her Christmas break and a few days around thanksgiving, so it's not like Halloween weekend is the end of the world. My GF is very responsible when she sees me- it's just a long weekend after all, she makes up missed classes and gets shifts covered. She's quite literally hurting no one seeing me, not to mention at no cost as I payed for the ticket...but because my GF "promised" she would only see me that one weekend this month (an empty promise to supplicate when her mom was being crazy about visiting), she is refusing to listen to reason and see how a long weekend isn't a big deal. My GF spends every Halloween weekend away anyway- there's no difference between spending it with me and spending it with other friends. A final note- I can't stress what a kind, loving person my GF is. I've never seen someone more gifted with children or with a bigger heart. She shows nothing of her mom's repugnant traits. Her mom also had breast cancer about 8 years ago, so there is certainly a vestigial fear of losing her from that. The question is twofold: - in the short term, is there anyway to convince her mom how absurd she is being regarding Halloween weekend? I have already not only bought the plane ticket but made plans including arranging her meeting my grandma (who was hospitalized twice in the last couple weeks, she doesn't have long I want her to meet my GF). - And secondly, what can I or more likely my GF do to convince her mother that her behavior is irrational, dangerous, and that she needs to seek help? She said because her mom works at a hospital her mom would never wanna admit she needs help- although she said her mom could be convinced for group/family therapy. TL;DR: My GF's mom is mentally unstable, tormenting our relationship and my GF, and culminating in physical violence; episodes like reading my GF's diary or finding risqué photos just set her off more and more until she does things like take a knife to her own throat; what solutions exist in the short and long term?
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